Michelle Aycock: Step-parenting can be a difficult task ...

Step-parenting can be a difficult task

Blending a family can be a difficult task. Children may at first resist the change ? however, most blended families are able to work through problems and live together successfully.

Although you love your new spouse very much, you may not love his child automatically, and he may not automatically love your child either. It will take some time to develop a trusting and loving relationship. You can increase the chances of creating a strong relationship by thinking about what the children need.

Forming a new family can be a great joy, but often kids may feel left out and scared about the change. All children have wants and needs, attempting to meet these can begin to build a great foundation to a good parent-child relationship.

One important component that is often overlooked is the couple?s relationship. You and your husband are the first step to forming a healthy blended family. This may also require having to deal with the loss and bitterness from your previous relationship and your child?s other biological parent. You want to make sure that the feelings from your past relationship do not damage your current relationship.

Some problems blended families need to be aware of include:

? Children will have a tough time transitioning to their new surroundings. A new marriage may bring new step-siblings, a new house or a new school. Keep in mind how difficult change can be for a child.

? Stepchildren do not expect a new stepparent to replace a biological parent. The relationship you have with your stepchild will be different than the relationship you have with your own child. Parents need not feel guilty about this. Instead work to create a loving and accepting relationship with your new stepchild.

? Children do not express feelings the same way. It is hard for children to express their feelings ? they need to learn these skills, and this is where stepparents can teach them by creating a safe environment for them to be able to express their feelings without punishment or judgment.

? Attempt to make changes as slowly as possible and keep rules consistent. This will help children feel secure and develop a positive relationship with their new family. Situations in new step families tend to be more problematical and stressed. To reduce the amount of stress in the family, it is important that each family member be encouraged to express their feelings about their new family even when their feelings may be difficult for parents to hear.

? The role of the new stepparent: In the beginning as a stepparent it may be better to try to be a mentor to your new stepchild rather than the disciplinarian. If you do not agree with how your spouse handles a situation, discuss this issue in private, not in front of the children. Showing support for your spouse no matter if you disagree with them is essential in developing a strong marital relationship.

Michelle Aycock is a licensed psychotherapist. Her office number is 912-233-4294. Her website is coastaltherapist.com. Submit a parenting question at michelle@coastaltherapist.com. She has a blog at savannahnow.com/blogs/parentingtip.

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